I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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