Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
