I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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