if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
