i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
