just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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