He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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