I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
