I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
