Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
