I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
