I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
