I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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