I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
