I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
birth control should be required to get into college
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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