It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
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I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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