using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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