I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
