My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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