i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
