I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
