I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize
