i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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