if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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