the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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