I think my vagina is haunted
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
