u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
