just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize