Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You pole danced in your parka.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
