Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
