you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
