I just made out with a guy for $7.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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