I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
