i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
