conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
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