My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
