Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
nut hugger
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
