Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
