Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
