I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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