we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza