There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...