I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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