My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.