He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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