How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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