I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
there was a trapeze. enough said
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
