i need an iv and a liver transplant
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
