I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
