You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
