I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
