And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
