I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
