he shaved USA in his pubs
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You made out with two different species that night
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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