the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize