Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
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Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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