we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
