He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
