I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
