Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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