she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have surprise drugs for everyone
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
